I am writing this during the most hectic week of my life, the second week of rehearsals for the elementary school play. I have been cast as a co-chair of the school play this year, and, as a method actress, I like to fill my role completely. That is why I have dropped everything, everything for my craft.

I’m like Anne Hathaway as Fantine. I’d cut off all my hair and extract a tooth, if anyone on the PTA were insane enough to ask me to do it. That’s how committed I am to this production of Bye, Bye Birdie.

During production, I do not have any sort of a life outside of what happens in the school gym, which means I have to write this article frantically and in secret.

I am so into the whole thing that I call these two weeks “production.”

Because I am never allowed out and I must be silent while I write, I’m the Anne Frank of volunteerism.

I mean, if word ever spread that I had smuggled a laptop into the elementary school and was writing a humorous essay during this sacred time of play rehearsal, the school board might kick me out and have me redistricted, perhaps to a horrible place, a place without a school play. And then what will become of my performance-loving children? That cannot be. Continue reading here.